Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory