I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...