Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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