I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool