I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.