I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow