If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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