office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
