He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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