I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
