Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
