omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
