The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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