Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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