She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the day after is always just damage control
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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