craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
