If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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