You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
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Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
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We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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