and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
