my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
