is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
