guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize