i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
