watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
