Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
