By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
