I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
