I am full of burrito and curiosity
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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