I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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