is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
