Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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