i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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