that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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