I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
