I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
