I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
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