How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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