ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
