I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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