Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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