Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I cannot find my penis.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
