Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
