Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
