i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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