he laminated a picture of his dick.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm like, not good at living.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
