I met the friendliest cop last night
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize