You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
