somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
