To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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