How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You may now shotgun with the bride
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
