MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
