hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
