I wish my penis had an off switch
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
