guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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