That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
