we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
