it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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