Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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