Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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