Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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