All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
