farters have to be the big spoon...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
