Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
