also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
