I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
