So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
