Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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