Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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