There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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