god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.