so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!