One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless