Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.