I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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