Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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