My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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