Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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