just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
